Ussta xukuth ssinssrine ulu sundu, ussta quortek ulu alure......

One more entry for the night. Saw an inspiring example on a show on the Discovery Channel. Featuring a transsexual woman who was fortunate enough to fully Transition. Even if financial circumstances have not often gone in my favor, I can fully relate to being disconnected with ones body. To not know how to properly act or behave. Certainly makes trying to be more sociable, a challenge at best. Because you do not know how to be a woman when inside a body of the wrong physical sex. Always dealing with a dichotomy that no form of medication can do away with. I suppose given my specific spiritual nature, it only feels natural to express myself through dancing. That for even a brief time, I can forget what I see in the mirror. Read elsewhere that Alphas are given to breaking the rules. To go against the Status Quo. Specifically with the one notion that men have an obligation to propose to women in order to possibly claim the status of marriage. That it all depends upon her and her alone. So much for this supposed male privilege that I am stated to possess. If anything, I place such a notion on the same level as salvation through Jesus Christ. Supposedly exists, but when you really think about it, sounds rather absurd. Take a good look at the difference between the typical female body & the male one and then tell me who really has the privilege in life. How often does one see a depiction of women as they naturally are? One should not have to go through life regarding oneself with horror. Every-time you see your reflection and only see an unprivileged male staring back at you.

A little tired after a small workout, but definitely feeling better about life. I suppose with so many commercials like the one below, one Really has to work on not turning outside of oneself in order to feel good about oneself as a person. Personally believe makeup is a hindrance towards self-growth in life. For both sexes. Big difference between simply staying in shape regardless of being almost 39 years old and relying on artificial allure. Marriage has far more to do with intimately living together and little if anything about how glamorous a woman might be. Really simple, if you dispense with the fairy-tale life fantasy. You are only living with a man and vice versa. Because of such glamorizing and relying on artificial beauty and so on, have an obligation to keep all women at arms length. See what one is obligated to do when drifting away in life with ones First? In order to remain apart from the Status Quo.

So that I am not seen to be relying on an external woman in order to maintain my self-worth in being reincarnated as a person of the opposite sex. Be different if more people understood that traditional marriage makes far more sense when you adhere to a way of life comparable to the Amish. Preferably without the christian connotations as well. Having a large number of children with that sort of life is practical since there is the matter of tending to livestock and harvesting crops. With city life, multiple children become more of an unnecessary burden. On the part of both individuals. Married life is also not a competition. To outdo your female friends or to out-reproduce and so on. With a heterosexual male, important to not be involved with a woman merely on how Good she looks through artificial allure. What of when she passes the age of forty or so? The main trick lies in as extensively liberating oneself emotionally and sexually upon women as possible. So that one can truly become empowered regardless of ones physical vessel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRScfPgDMcc

Might have possibly confirmed another aspect of my dreams. Hard to say if remain fully conscious while dreaming or if in any incarnation, I am aware of my true self. Presumably after Awakening, of course. That some details of the places seen involuntarily remind me of places here in this lifetime. Kind of felt like a different time and place.....

Assuming it is because of finding another way to essentially express myself through movement, but definitely do not feel as down as I have been and constantly struggling to best being depressed. Because this physical vessel does not render me weak. I suppose that too is an Alpha trait. Amazing how simply walking a couple of miles a day inside a building and I do intend to push myself to increase that number over time, makes me feel. This entire year alone has been one setback or ordeal in life after another. Surely the worst were losing both my grandfather and my Maine Coon cat of fifteen years. A new job is hopefully an inevitability, but the other two can never be brought back. Still I remain confident about things. Not really sure how much of two of the three quotes below are merely propaganda or reality. Difficult to say since I am not given to derive my self-worth through a person of either sex. By doing a lot of dating and so on. Tend to place the age of 45 as a good point of the next highest apex of my career. That I am not condemned in this specific lifetime to become just a male parent, but can aspire to far greater heights. From the first quote, naturally reminded of the likes of anti-feminists. Not just being beta men in general. That they remain content with perpetuating excessively traditional roles.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-460423/Sorry-Alpha-woman-happy-Beta-man.html

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The beta men, in my experience, seemed complacent and happy to settle for a mundane existance which I found stultifying.

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But blame their men as they might, the Alpha women should know this: In the end, they really only have themselves to blame. They, after all, picked them. I have lost count of the times I have seen this syndrome play out: an attractive, achieving, successful woman who appears almost to go out of her way to choose a disastrous mate. He is often younger, usually dimmer and always poorer than she is; he will never be her equal - an imbalance that eventually will cause resentment on both sides - but, at least, at first, he suits her purposes.


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My hope for women in their 20s, growing up watching the troubled progress of the thirty-something Alphas, is that they will be smarter than this; that they will muster some selfrespect, take pride in what they have achieved, stop feeling guilty about it, forget all the nonsense about the sweet but low-achieving partner - and stick to their own kind.
The problem for these women was that they repeatedly picked themselves a Beta minus, when it is already obvious that the modern Alpha woman is only ever going to settle happily with another Alpha. Or, better still, an Alpha plus.
It is feminist-inspired claptrap that a woman could be properly happy taking charge of a lesser man; every hope for the survival of the species screams otherwise.
We are programmed by nature, and for good reason, to aspire to mate with the cleverest, toughest, strongest - and the cleverer, tougher and stronger we women get, the more admirable he'd better be.

Feeling better after a bit of exercise and a nice lunch. Walking two miles is an okay workout. Tend to feel better about myself when I am able to objectively see the differences between my own body and people in general. Some room for improvement, but still nowhere close to being anything but essentially pole-shaped body-wise. One of my few personal prejudices. True, this culture may be tainted and ruined by christianity, but that does not have to mean I have to remain isolated. Just to avoid such individuals. After all, despite being corrupted, this is still a Pagan society and remotely possible in the future, to allow a suitable Asatru woman the chance to become my personal companion. Do know of a Kindred in the Columbus area. And there is the other detail of how the Vikings discovered this country before any godless christians did and so makes this country a little more ideal. Because Norse values flourished here before the corruption of christianity took root here. Probably obvious that I look down on christians for the lack of morals.

http://nobeliefs.com/pagan.htm

Of course the first Americans did not practice Christianity at all. Native Indians lived in America thousands of years before the Christians invaded their land. These original Americans got dispossessed, slaughtered, or segregated to the will of intolerant Christians. Today's religious-right Christians conveniently leave out any mention of the original Americans, Pagan to the very core. Only a very brief period before the formation of the United States could Christians call America their land.

It is just me or am I seemingly drawn to people who are needlessly suffering? This song perfectly reminds me of my First.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIIlUHBNkEc

And if you're somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor
Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore

A great new bit of artwork on Deviant art. One thing that I was able to determine from reading some of the information over on the Cauldron Farm website, that it mirrored some of the imagery in past dreams of mine. About 99% certain that I had a Svartalfheim incarnation. As well as interacted with Duergar. I think when you consciously remember being Beautiful, always a challenge to not be shocked in seeing ones reflection in the mirror. More-so about five years ago since my Awakening than now, but still important to not lose my sense of identity. That once you possessed comparable beauty and you have to thrive in a world of ugliness. To not go mad with the realization of what once was.

http://cyzra.deviantart.com/art/Erane-Pinup-145709806

Just something I looked up after reading some Divorce Court comments about the Tiger Woods incident. Naturally assumed Pagans in general are on a comparable standing morally as Asatru, but wanted some further insight. That they condemn unfaithfulness and cheating goes against the Wiccan Rede. Important for us to not look Bad like christians do when it comes to morality. Definitely love the quotes below, but another crucial detail that came to me. How on Facebook, it was commented by some women that all men cheat. So if this is indeed true, then for all practical purposes, conventional marriage is a wasted effort and a lost cause. The specific detail being regardless of the supposedly innate tendency of heterosexual men towards cheating, this tendency could not be satisfied if women in turn did not act as enablers. An example here. A specific male feels compelled for whatever reason to betray his Lifemate, turns to any other woman and that woman instead bitch-slaps him for desiring such behavior. Interesting from an intellectual standpoint, how women in general do not stand up to collectively condemn such possible behavior. I believe foolish sexual choices by women are not discouraged by men because precisely who benefits the most by such choices?

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/06/06/gingrich-paganism/

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I wonder what thoughts were running thru newt’s head while he was dumping his second wife in her hospital bed (with cancer) and then commiting adultery with his intern who later turned out to be his third wife?

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Wait until Gingrich finds out that Jesus isn’t real nor is the guy who sits up in the clouds on a throne. Oh boy. He’ll have to publicly apologize to the Pagans and the Atheists! What a great day that will be for all mankind.

Feeling a little better having a bit of certainty knowing if something new opens up, I should be able to start at my new job. Think it is more likely to happen than the other cleaning job prospect. Especially during this last ordeal for the year, important to not turn to an external woman in order to feel good about myself. About two months to my next birthday..... I think the main benefit of just a partial Transitioning was to personally increase my own self-esteem. Like plastic surgery, but without the surgery. Still have to get another haircut if and when I do start my job as a security officer. But having short hair is not so much a horror when you do not look too masculine anymore. In the facial features. Not too long until I turn 39 years old, so I really need to not be psychologically or sexually dependent upon women in general. Mentioned before how male heterosexuality becomes repulsive in the inability to remain involved with the same woman for a handful of decades. Have my pride of course and do not want to set any sort of record in this lifetime of how many women I am involved with. But since men in general do not look like Chris Crocker.....

It came to me that I personally support same-sex marriage because I understand how it has to do with a desire to see love transcend ones physical form. Not especially easy trying to make emotional sense of the unique situation of being a heterosexual female reincarnated as a heterosexual male. Sexual dyslexia! Do admit that some men are visually attractive, but many mentally invoke the response for me of Ah, kill it with fire! I suppose everyone has their distinct preferences in physical appearance. So in a society when the physical appearance of women is overidealized and excessively promoted, important to not allow such conditioning make one feel bad about oneself. But where does one find an essentially nonAmish Amish woman? With also doing as little dating as possible as to maintain not being one-sidedly dependent upon women in the process. Checked out my new language program and got a little bit of a feel for it. Even if I have trouble seeing at the moment where I might use such skills, should be able to learn Polish within a year and five new languages by the time I turn 45 years. Fairly certain that by then, not only will I be completely debt-free, but also reestablished in life. Hoping to have a house or a fair sized apartment of my own again.

One more entry for the night. I suppose the notion of a retroactive marriage means that during this particular incarnation, I am separated. Not divorced, mind you. Quite aware of the implications of having feelings for a male even if this is indeed a completely different lifetime. I believe only a disempowered male would be against the idea of ever having a husband. By mere virtue of an absurd technicality as ones physical form. Basically, oh radically different body and so I cannot ever feel love for my long lost Lifemate. Certainly do not want to be in the same categories as anti-feminists or christians!

http://www.runestone.org/articles/defenseoffolkish.htm

"The Gods and Goddesses have sex with all sorts of beings - dwarves, giants, and the like. This is more evidence that discrimination, particularly in the realm of relationships, sex, and marriage, has no basis in Norse culture!"

The stories of our Gods and Goddesses are written down in the Prose Edda and the Poetic Edda. The Eddas are valuable resources, but they are symbolic, not historical. Their contents were subject to all sorts of factors that affect the way we use them religiously - human
interpretation and bias being the main ones!

Nothing in our lore suggests that the Eddas are meant to be taken literally, and to do so puts us in the same category as those fundamentalist Christians who take the Bible, word for word, as the exact and infallible word of their God. To take the tales of our Gods and Goddesses as lessons urging us to mate outside our kind (or outside our species!) is as wrong as the Christian who argues that the Genesis creation story should be taken as scientific truth. Myth is bigger than that.

This might have come out a few months ago, but still a breath of fresh air compared to the fascism displayed over in the state of New York.

http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/04/27/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry4972643.shtml

Forty-two percent of Americans now say same sex couples should be allowed to legally marry, a new CBS News/New York Times poll finds. That's up nine points from last month, when 33 percent supported legalizing same sex marriage.

Support for same sex marriage is now at its highest point since CBS News starting asking about it in 2004.

Twenty-eight percent say same sex couples should have no legal recognition – down from 35 percent in March – while 25 percent support civil unions, but not marriage, for gay couples.

As has historically been the case on this issue, liberals are more likely to support same sex marriage. Sixty-nine percent support the idea, while conservatives generally favor either civil unions (28 percent) or no legal recognition (44 percent).

Some particularly revealing information from a new email I received. Further justification for me remaining off the Market. Not just if my First is denied in having me, then by default so are all other women. I suppose such a stance really establishes me as beyond Alpha status. One person standing against christian fascism. But then again, I am Vasilisa the Wise reborn. Thankfully, in this fight I am not alone.

https://secure3.convio.net/hrc/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=631&autologin=true&JServSessionIdr004=5bjji1vpf6.app303a

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Marriage equality has LOST in New York State.

Sign the petition:

"I'm outraged that marriage equality did not pass in New York, but I'm not going to stop fighting until marriage equality is the law of the land."


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Yesterday, the New York State Senate voted against marriage equality for same-sex couples.

The vote was a huge disappointment. It was a vote against fairness, against justice, against equal treatment for all families.

We're counting on you to keep fighting for equality, even though you live in OH. As we've seen in Vermont, New Hampshire, Iowa, Maine, Connecticut and California, what happens in one state, happens to us all.

A good start to hopefully the first of great days to come. Think walking two miles is okay for getting back into a regular exercise regime. Life over the age of forty does look more appealing when you are not trapped in a repulsively overweight male body. Does feel good beating depression and so on by not resorting to drugs or hard liquor. Being laid off since July has not been especially enjoyable, but I suppose my innate Draestari pride takes the edge off feeling down & miserable. I suppose not easily succumbing to darker emotions is an Alpha trait and even before my own Awakening, always was an Alpha. My present physical form notwithstanding. Especially in a culture like this, one really has to adapt as to interact with women, but without having to humiliate oneself in the process. Able to naturally see how even unconsciously flaunting one sexuality and/or beauty through artificial allure can be intimidating to ordinary males. Important that I never lose my sense of self and think that I am condemned to misery during this incarnation. So one aspect involves as much as possible liberating oneself upon women. Incidentally, this includes wistful fantasies about the supposed idealness of foreign women because then ultimately one is still one-sidely dependent upon women. Sexually and psychologically.

Came to me that anti-feminists like those on the Roissy and Ghost Nation websites are for all practical purposes at best Beta males. If not lower. Because of going out of the way in proving that they are not gay and/or superior to women. True Alphas do not have to prove themselves sexually in the eyes of others. Something else from the URL below that reminded me of my own First. Naturally offensive of course to enlightened people, but able to recognize that such flaws on her part, further elevate her in my eyes. Because it cannot be said that I am involved with a woman merely because of how supposedly Hot she is. It came to me that when the artificial allure of makeup is removed from the picture, she is still more ideal than all other woman and not just because she happens to be the one person during this lifetime that I gave my physical virginity. Like to think that apart from displays of compassion, I am not given to making relationship mistakes.

A present time description of my First below. Important that if I choose to be accommodating again, it still be with focusing on love rather than lust. Matter of pride, but I should not have to regret being accommodating and to always remain apart from the Status Quo. Having gone beyond the level of a mere Alpha since my own Awakening, naturally want my own First and myself to remain equals. With number 11, doubt she has an actual mustache, but I have learned that she does shave her forearms. Oh, the joys of having a comparable ethnic background as both of us do. And since it has been awhile since I last saw her, possible that she might have gained a little extra weight. Love first and lust incidental at best. If anyone truly deserves someone like myself, it is naturally my own First.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/dating-market-value-test-for-women/

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Guys, you may take this quiz for your girlfriends or wives to see if you have settled for tepid sex once a week or if you always get hard looking at her and never forget her birthday.

1. How old are you?

37 to 40 years old: -5 points

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2. How important is makeup to your appearance?

I look like a different woman with makeup: -1 point

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4. Your breast size is:

Bee stings up to A cup: -1 point

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8. How flat is your stomach?

Slight pouch: 0 points

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11. Where is there hair on your body?

My head and pubic area only: +1 point
I have to shave my legs daily and wax my bushy eyebrows: 0 points
I have dark forearm hair and a mustache: -1 point

I suppose this provides empirical evidence that this is a website where Betas really come to socialize...... If not full-fledged Omegas.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/dating-market-value-test-for-women/

If you are a woman, this test will measure your dating market value. The higher the number, the better quality man you can catch. The lower the number, the more likely you will find yourself surrounded by cats. Unlike the male version of this test, here I have added a sliding scale to some of the questions because this better reflects the outsized importance that certain factors have on a woman’s total sexual value.

This website is mildly amusing. Figure if one has to prove one is heterosexual and/or define what is essentially gay in order to not be seen as gay, then you are by default a Beta, if not an actual Omega. Probably about 99% of the commenters there are in truth Beta males. That whole swaggering nonsense about having to prove ones sexuality detailed in the first quote.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/beta-of-the-year-contest-submissions/

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Figure it’s a good break from the usual whitebread betas to show how hip-hop black guys with supposed swagger are not immune from betahood either.

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(remember that breaking rules is alpha)

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Another submission: the “straight” men in this article bragging about dating a transsexual and finding nothing wrong with it because she’s hot:

A favorite song that cannot help but remind me of my long lost Lifemate. I suppose even if it is might be with unworthy males, love naturally comes easier to women more than men. Because I remember now my husband rescued me from an ordeal of pain and torture......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oER-630dSks

http://pics.livejournal.com/vasilisamanuese/pic/0002w8ez

Still waiting to hear back from my latest new job prospect, but somewhat confident to get a response this week. Helps being self-sufficient in better getting through this hopefully last ordeal this year. I suppose when one has to contend with as much negative programming as one does in this culture, always a challenge in quelling foul moods. Because of excessive focus on romance in marriage, when at best romance is incidental to the relationship. From watching a show like Divorce Court, cannot fully understand how in the majority of marriages, the woman cannot discern his character while dating and then to kick him to the curb. If he soon proves to be unworthy. May partially have to do with the foolishness of wanting to change a man. Or to maintain some sort of fantasy. Either he is ideal or he is not and you then go from there. Only once in awhile do I discern that the woman is not the ideal Lifemate. A recent example was this one uber-christian man.

If one wishes to be some sort of superchristian, just do keep your beliefs and sentiments completely to yourself. Most people prefer to not deal with such nonsense. Speaking of which, I suppose that I am not as enthralled by such things as romance considering how common it is now for such marriages to invariably end in divorce. On the part of a man, if he was worthy, then he wasted his time and money. But if he was unworthy, then why did she not part ways with him after only a few weeks or months of dating? Prefer to remain apart from the masses especially when it comes to a relationship. So not going to waste a marriage proposal and so on if I myself also end up among the divorced. I think when you operate from the utilitarian viewpoint of marriage, people who practice arranged marriage have the right ideal. The parents select an ideal Lifemate for someone. But in any case, despite some incidental disappointments, I naturally succeeded in leaving frivolous dating behind in this lifetime.

Sometime ago, I also came up with the notion of retroactive marriage. Believe that was the significance of the tattoo on my right shoulder. See URL at the top. If the notion of marriage and of course the wedding ring being for eternity stems from Paganism, naturally even if it was during a lifetime separated from this one by thousands of years; technically I am still married. Important to only be married in a fashion without christian connotations. Able to see how pervasive it is for people of both sexes to now be unable to live with each for barely a handful of decades. When simply living together is first and foremost the most important tenet of married life. Romance and expensive diamond jewelry are largely superfluous to the relationship. Believe this is my one softer side.

That I can still feel a certain way about a man from a completely different lifetime. Although my husband would definitely faint if he saw the sort of body I was reincarnated in! I suppose if real love is truly transcendent, then naturally it cannot be found in the majority of ordinary marriages. That it is greater than ones respective physical forms. This present incarnation obviously does not utterly negate my feelings for my long lost husband. Because if it was there, both individuals would have the strength of will to overcome their respective differences. Far too easy for individuals of both sexes to escape through divorce when it would have been more practical to simply stop dating.

This does remind me of a quote I saved once from a YouTube video. Hail, Odin! Time to fight.

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You're a very bright guy, and it's good to try to refute people like Jezuzfreek777. Their heads are harder than diamons and no matter how much logic and reason you throw at them, they will still hold their myopic and unnatural views of the world around them.

http://www.populistamerica.com/christian_fascism

In answer to the question of what is to be done, I would assert as I usually do: Knowledge is power. Fundamentalist Christianity is inherently delusional. One cannot reason with its adherents nor influence them with facts. What one can do is understand first of all that the United States has become a fascist empire. If one takes seriously Mussolini's definition of fascism, "the corporate state", then this nation was well on its way even before the ascendancy of the Bush II administration and September 11, 2001.

Furthermore, it is time for those who consider themselves politically progressive to stop "tolerating" Cristo-fascists. Certainly, these individuals have every right to believe whatever they choose to believe, but when one comprehends the inherently fascist nature of both their religion and their politics, one must necessarily confront not only their ghastly disregard for separation of church and state, but their implacable commitment to engineering a fundamentalist Christian theocracy in the United States.

The exponential growth of the Cristo-fascist movement in the past six years is yet another symptom of empire and a somnambulant society in the throes of collapse. Whether or not one embraces Christianity or any religion, for that matter, it is instructive to engage in reality-checking the actual teachings of Jesus in the New Testament, and specifically, the gospels and other sacred writings which were excluded from the bible in the fourth century for political and socio-economic reasons in order to streamline Constantine's hierarchical, imperial, Christian regime - the world's first but not last, Christian theocracy. With that in mind, I highly recommend The Jesus Mysteries, by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy.

Not too much to say in this entry. An insight that once again came to me. When one regards loving another person as a Choice rather than the pervasive mindset that it is some mysterious unpredictable force, it then becomes easier to simply love that person. Instead of needlessly filing for divorce because the reality of merely living with another person sets in. Much can be learned from watching Divorce Court. In all conventional marriage, there is a shared attribute. There are two people intimately living together. Taking that fact into consideration in an intellectual fashion, precisely how can any two given people not live together for a handful of decades if so many couples did just that in the past?

Just doing my little part to oppose evil and deception......

http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/about_the_holy_bible.html

For centuries the church insisted that the Bible was absolutely true; that it contained no mistakes; that the story of creation was true; that its astronomy and geology were in accord with the facts; that the scientists who differed with the Old Testament were infidels and atheists.

Now this has changed. The educated Christians admit that the writers of the Bible were not inspired as to any science. They now say that God, or Jehovah, did not inspire the writers of his book for the purpose of instructing the world about astronomy, geology, or any science. They now admit that the inspired men who wrote the Old Testament knew nothing about any science, and that they wrote about the earth and stars, the sun and moon, in accordance with the general ignorance of the time.

It required many centuries to force the theologians to this admission. Reluctantly, full of malice and hatred, the priests retired from the field, leaving the victory with science.

They took another position;

They declared that the authors, or rather the writers, of the Bible were inspired in spiritual and moral things; that Jehovah wanted to make known to his children his will and his infinite love for his children; that Jehovah, seeing his people wicked, ignorant and depraved, wished to make them merciful and just, wise and spiritual, and that the Bible is inspired in its laws, in the religion it teaches and in its ideas of government.

This is the issue now. Is the Bible any nearer right in its ideas of justice, of mercy, of morality or of religion than in its conception of the sciences? Is it moral?

It upholds slavery -- it sanctions polygamy.

Could a devil have done worse?

Is it merciful?

In war it raised the black flag; it commanded the destruction, the massacre, of all -- of the old, infirm. and helpless -- of wives and babes.

Were its laws inspired?

Hundreds of offenses were punished with death. To pick up sticks on Sunday, to murder your father on Monday, were equal crimes. There is in the literature of the world no bloodier code. The law of revenge -- of retaliation -- was the law of Jehovah. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a limb for a limb.

This is savagery -- not philosophy.

Is it just and reasonable?

The Bible is opposed to religious toleration -- to religious liberty. Whoever differed with the majority was stoned to death. Investigation was a crime. Husbands were ordered to denounce and to assist in killing their unbelieving wives.