Clouded by Memories of the Past

So far so good with my present job. Obviously putting in a lot of hours, but the intent with being very much available if called in case of a call-off, to ensure later that my great work record works to my advantage later on. Say if there is a potential promotion or a position opens up elsewhere. I certainly am not going to hypothetically move up to Director/CEO: Contracts by doing the minimum effort in the job! Say in about twenty years or so. One other individual that I have so far covered for twice has earned the dubious title of Unreliable Guy. And I was informed about a third shifter who spends more time in the backroom largely avoiding the presumably required cleaning duties. Basically doing the bare minimum during the course of a typical six hour shift. So it is myself who is the most likely of the group of individuals who are not likely to retire for quite some time who would be promoted to a better position in the company that I work at. A cleaning job might not seem like the most ideal on the surface, but you really cannot advance in life by mere wishful thinking or dreaming about attaining ones ideal life. I have been informed by my co-worker that I am regarded favorably by numberous other people and this only adds to the possibility of moving up over time. Cannot assume that I will have complete success with Transitioning, but being mistaken for a teenage boy is still more ideal than about to become a 41 heterosexual male in about a week. Still have a bit of an advantage in life based on the observation that regardless of the anti-feminist tenet of pedestalizing of women, there is that detail that women have an essentially more desirable body than men do. And no amount of screaming about "misandry" can change that fact. Stable income for the purpose of surplus cash will alternately allow for being able to see more scenic locations elsewhere or even some eyecandy at an adult club. Mind you, even if I do not really regard myself as Male, I still prefer women for the most part. Sizeable income like that below can give me an advantage in life that nonsense like Game can never possibly match. Especially when one is over the age of thirty and so on........

Money!

http://pics.livejournal.com/vasilisamanuese/pic/00066tc1

I did it. This specific roadtrip is a taste of life to come. And I did not just stop in front of the boundary sign and then turn around to head back. Kept going into Indiana until I found an appropriate roadsign to also take a photograph of while in the state.

State of Indiana

http://pics.livejournal.com/vasilisamanuese/pic/00065zgc

A breath-taking view from earlier today. For whatever reason, Copy & Paste does not work directly here. So as usual, a URL again. A good approximation of seeing the ocean for now. So worth driving a little out of the way just to get some great photographs today and yesterday.

Lake Erie

http://pics.livejournal.com/vasilisamanuese/pic/000646xc

So far so good with finally obtaining stable income again. Having gotten some other expenses out of the way with my first regular check, I can start saving for a new place in February. Get paid every two weeks, so one step at a time. Having covered two extra days last week, this ensures that I am reliable and can be counted on in a pinch. The more regular hours, the nicer the income. With what I endured job searching for about two years, very ideal to be satisfied with a job that is extremely unlikely to be outsourced or disappear on you. A friend of mine had, as in past tense, a decent computer job and for whatever reason; it disappeared on her. Fortunately I did my part and emailed her information for three different job ads. Plus, it is extremely improbable that a cleaning job can be modernized like a factory job where I get replaced by some sort of automation. At least not for decades if not longer to come. I was able to take a couple of little roadtrips in the area and get some great photographs. Only imagine my mood when I am able to travel even further away. Where the scenery is anything but flat and level.

I think that becoming a chef can be put on the backburner.......

http://www.triadgoodwill.org/goodwill_employment.html

All full-time employees are eligible for a comprehensive benefits package, including:

Group Health Insurance Paid Vacation
Group Dental Insurance Sick Leave
Group Life Insurance Holiday Pay
Group Vision Insurance Paid Bereavement Leave
401(k) Retirement Plan Credit Union Membership
Tuition Reimbursement Direct Deposit

So far, so good with seriously good karma actually yielding "profits" in life. Starting the second week tomorrow afternoon. I was informed by a phonecall earlier today that I need my social security card when I fill out some paperwork in order to become a full employee. Also informed that my performance at work this week was ideal. I was initially worried since with a rest-stop later in the day, things are a little slow and not sure how to look good performance-wise when handling downtime. Still, this does make the possibility of getting the full-time position at this military base not far from here. Nine dollars an hour is reasonably decent pay even if the social security option on the side does not happen. With how the economy is presently, it is preferable to have a job in which it is less likely to do a disappearing act on you. Say if you are in an office job or a factory that upgrades. At least for quite sometime, I really cannot see fully autonomous androids being manufactured and assuming cleaning jobs. At the expense of living people. Then if circumstances are more to my favor in the future, I might check out culinary school and do more than get just another college degree. Or be content with the present job and let it be adequate for providing the income to facilitate my own Transitioning. Simply by having elevated self-esteem by mere virtue of having a female body, little or no need to date. Once read about a sister of mine elsewhere online just starting her physical rebirth at the age of sixty, so I think that I have plenty of time. Because unless you are fortunate enough to meet a Child-free woman, normally your income has to go towards children and a considerably less enjoyable life. I think this is something that cannot be intellectually explained, but there is a certain psychological intoxication to being a woman physically.

So far so good with the cleaning job. An appropriate "feminist" job, I suppose. Admittedly with the way the economy is, more than one job is a bit unrealistic to say the least. Therefore it is extremely unlikely for me to do more than one quote unquote Dirty Job. To allude to a reality television show I heard about. And I think that cleaning work is more essentially feminist in nature than the glamorous and easy life inherent to anti-feminist women. Another example of the notion of common sense not being that common with how "Sex in the City" type women are anti-feminist in nature. Probably iffy about the possibility of social security since this one lawyer mentioned that I really was not overly disabled in this regard, but one potential full-time position at nine dollars an hour is however more realistic. Frequent sinus problems and mild Aspie is not quite as bad as having trouble walking for example. Or going through life in near constant physical pain. Anyway, stable income in a child-free lifestyle can allow for fantastic purchases like the one below. Imagine a Forest of Solitude in a small reasonably priced apartment that also has comparable flooring. To go along with the living plants and trees. Presently working 18 hours minus the lunch breaks and that amount of hours should not interfere with social security income, but even if not, the possibility of full-time income in the same job balances things out. Maybe in about five years, when the economy picks up even more; I might check out culinary school and get a career as a cook. Does make sense to not just get another collage degree in life, but an appropriate ideal job.

http://m.inhabitat.com/moss-carpet-by-nguyen-la-chanh/

Quote:

There’s nothing like the feeling of fresh cut grass under the toes, especially when stepping out of the shower. This Moss Carpet by Nguyen La Chanh brings the outside indoors in an unconventionally natural way by placing it underfoot. The lush green lawn thrives in humid environments, which makes your bathroom a perfect place to grow.

A little bit of good news earlier today. My aunt stopped by the grandparents' house that I am temporarily living until it is finally sold. Which should be sometime in March of next year. So now that I start work on the 13th, that gives me enough time to save up for a small apartment of my own. Another possible option was offered to me. One friend of mine and incidentally one of my Lovemates in the past mentioned that she might need a roommate at her place. Apart from the detail of $300 a month on my part and presumably half of the electrical bill, this option is more appealing since unlike if I moved in temporarily to my mother's apartment, it would be a bit less occupied with personal possessions. Not mine incidentally. Unlike myself, the rest of my family during this incarnation tend to accumulate stuff. Mind you, while I am grateful about the idea of not having to pay rent if I was to move out sooner from here to my mother's place, it is still a bit cramped. If one adds me, my meager possessions, and of course one cat. And the closet there would be overflowing with my clothes added to what is already in that bedroom as well. Definitely prefer staying at my grandparents' old house for a few more months all on my own until I can save up for a new place all to myself. The Forest of Solitude! Which I plan on eventually filling with living plants and trees. A place to live where I am the most comfortable. Not overly enamored of living with other people or partner sex, but I think it is mainly because of being extremely independent. And having fully established the impossibility of being involved with just one cis-woman for barely a handful of decades, nonsexuality does become more appealing. I prefer to have a residence free of children and excessive accumulation of material things. And not necessarily things one really needs.

Slowly getting closer to my big day! Be nice to have started work already, but the schedule was probably already done around the time I eventually shook her hand. Signifying that I was now essentially a custodial engineer. Technically, since I have already done cleaning work in one form or another here & there over the years. This specifically is an ideal job in that it will allow me to have the relatively stress-free and enjoyable life that I desire. Probably a good thing I researched the job market back before January of this year. Otherwise, I would surely end up with two college degrees in life, but no job. So considering how the economy is all thanks to upper-class anti-feminists, a good idea to forgo on one aspiration of a career that resonates with ones spiritual nature working with plants and/or animals in some fashion. Best to think realistically for now. I also had an especially interesting and pleasurable dream alluded to below. Hard to say for certain if it was merely symbolic or indeed a reliving of a different incarnation. I presumably was female and I think it is only my being overly Aware of the consequences of partner sex that inhibit me. One single mistake or poor choice on my part means that I am condemned to approximately eighteen years of misery. Double bind normally with how women naturally have the greater physical desirability And the undesirable mainstream mindset that is known as baby rabies. And in such a case, exactly who gets the dubious "privilege" of supporting children financially? But the thing with slowly making the transition, mentally and physically to an essentially more elegant and alluring configuration, you really do not have much compulsion to date. And sexuality becomes more of a pleasure instead of something to be wary about. Years of sleeplessness and screaming and no disposable income is so not worth a single night of physical pleasure. I might have few qualms about being intimate with a male since I am a feminist of course, but another detail that came to mind while at clubs like Bretz and R House is that in general, the patrons naturally prefer men. Not women. Common sense thinking how it is anti-feminists who are the ones who practice misandry.

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/o2.htm

Quote:

Oral Sex

To dream that you are giving or receiving oral sex signifies your willingness to give or receive pleasure/joy. It is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life. The dream may also be a pun on "talking about sex." Perhaps, you need to communicate with your mate about your sexual needs and desires. Or you are acting out your sexual wishes.

To dream that you are performing oral sex on yourself represents your need for self-gratification.

Yet another dream of a familiar theme this morning. My interpretation is that this is a frequent reliving of an incarnation where I was a veteran of what could be regarded as a futuristic Adrastai. A part of numerous teams or bands or whatever term is most accurate. Back in this present, definitely looking forward to a major step forward with having actual income. One would think that a cleaning job is unbecoming and lowly, but that is of course subjective. It is a decent paying job and of course low stress. Not enough to go back to college like I almost did last January and then end up with merely another degree. Bit of research into the job market in this area and while it would have been great to become say a park ranger, not good if there is nothing at all here in this state. An extensive test demonstrated naturally enough that I was the most qualified with a job working with plants and/or animals. A path that most resonated with my spiritual nature. Still got a week to go until my first day of work, but that is only because of the present schedule already being fixed. And I really would not like to take hours away from any other person. I think it is still iffy with the possibility of obtaining social security as well, but if I do succeed at obtaining both sources of income; I am so getting my very own Forest of Solitude! A reasonably priced apartment filled with live plants and trees. And of course one slightly overweight pygmy panther-type cat. She looks almost black in dim light.......